My Journey

Monday, November 28, 2011

I Get To Have Sex Soon!!!!

This is what I think all day long! Like a horny teenage boy, I swear!

I am flying to Utah on Thursday night. Time could not go fast enough, except for the fact that I would love to drop another pound or two before Jake and I reunite! (que music. we see each other. I drop my bags, he drop the roses in his hands for me, slow motion running through the airport into each other's arms, he picks me up and spins me around and everyone stops to applaud our love for each other...)

Pretty sure Jake will just drive the car up to the arrivals and I will get in and off  (those words sound so dirty lol) we will be out of there in 20 sec tops! lol. "What a jerk you are thinking!" Oh no... this is how we planned waste no time getting to the hotel. I asked him if it were possible to get to the hotel in 2 min exactly. He said, "maybe if we drive 140 miles per hour".'s possible??

I have been trying on all sorts of "things". I feel so much better about my body! I don't want to just hide behind hu-mongo sweat pants. I don't want to just get things over with either. I want to have fun and enjoy my marriage and my husband! Yippeeee!!! I am in such a good place with my body image. I am excited to get dressed and happy with who I see in the mirror.

Friday (while Jake works) I will get to just be with my babies. I just wanna sit and stare at them and play with them and kiss them and hug them and sing all the cheesy mommy songs!! Logan is turning 1 next week, so I wanna make him a big birthday cake and see him shove his fingers into it and smear it all over his face!

I am doing a few days of mostly protein shakes and small healthy meals. Trying to really cut out the crap that I have gotten back into the habit of eating. Dessert every night?! I don't think so Stacey. I am supposed to get a fill on Wednesday, but I feel I am in a happy green place and will just cancel it.

Oh crap. Time to go. So much to do before Thursday! Last few for Nov Secret Bandits! Did anyone not get anything yet this month? If you are gonna combine gifts for Nov and Dec maybe just send a card so they know something is coming.

Love ya ladies!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Weekly Weigh In: Week 22 & Skinny Santa

Weight: 167.5 lbs    Loss: 2 lbs kinda

Last week I had a 1 pound gain and was on my period, so I managed to lose that plus another pound. Seeing that I weighed in the morning after thanksgiving, I feel at least happy to see an overall loss. 

I have been really doing so great working out (280 min last week and about that this week) and so it's disappointing not to see more weight loss, especially when you are really trying. My eating isn't perfect but it really isn't bad either. In the past 5 months I haven't had to be super strict in my dieting to see a loss. It seems as though now I will have to be.  I am not even close to the goals I had for myself this month and as a goal oriented person, I am frustrated. 

Anywhooo. I am in NY with my family. It's been weird to not be stressing over the kids and to just enjoy being in my hometown. Drove up Tues night in TERRIBLE rain and got in about 2am. Slept in Wed, then hit the mall for who knows what, then we went to the city. I don't always love going to the city, cause I've been a zillion times and it's cold and expensive and requires a lot of walking! lol. But, I went cause the girl living with me wanted to go (I made her come with me for Thanksgiving cause I didn't want her alone with her eating disorder. I knew she needed the support) Becca, my mom and I drove some of the way and hopped onto a train for the last little 20 min stretch to the city after seeing a sign that said "manhattan - gridlock- take mass transit". You didn't have to ask me twice!!

We did a ton of walking. I don't even know how many stairs we went up and down the subways. At least 200. We walked prob 3 miles easy. How do those NYer's do it EVERYDAY! Amazing!! 

We hit time square, and Becca got a pic with the Naked Cowboy! We each got a hot dog (a must in NYC)! We took a subway up to Central Park to see the balloons blown up and ready for the  Macy's Day Parade. Apparently my mom and dad came before they were married and there was like no one. Well... I guess word got out cause you could barely move forward there were so many people. Not my kind of thing. 

We went down to  Union Square to Max Brenner (The BEST dessert place in the world people!) We got a dessert to share (The dessert was called SHARING in case any of you ever go). It comes with a little hibatchi to toast marshmallows on, and fresh fruit and fondue, and little pieces of choc sponge cake, this glorified rice krispie treat, a portion of a beligan waffle sundae, fried bananas. We found a huge blonde hair on our plate. Gross you might think, but oh no my friends! It was like finding the golden ticket! They gave us a new dessert, and the manager apologized profusely, and took care of the whole ticket and the server offered us whatever we wanted. But we were stuffed, so we just got some hot chocolate to go. Gourmet AMAZINGNESS in a cup Hot Chocolate!! 

Thanks giving at my Aunt and Uncle's was really nice. My band did it's job and helped me so much! Thank you lap band! I got to have a little of everything I wanted, but didn't overstuff myself on 10 dinner rolls like I have in the past!!  I even went on a nice bike ride with my dad earlier in the  day! It was nice to be with my dad. He sure is a character!

Last night we hit up Wal-Mart black friday craziness. We got in line outside of Wal-mart about 11 and got in pretty quickly and then waited in line for the TV's till midnight, got our TVS and a bunch of $1.96 DVD's and other junk, then waiting on line to pay till 1am. It was insane!!!!!! But we had fun!

Today we have been L-A-Z-Y! I am gonna head to Zumba soon, then figure out something fun to do tonight. Tomorrow we head back to Baltimore, but not before I hit the mall (groupon today: $10 for $20 gift card at oldnavy!) 

Hope you ladies had great weekends! Can't wait to read all about them! Don't forget Secret Bandits and Skinny Santa if you are participating!!!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Weekly Weigh In: Week 21 & Skinny Santa

Weight: 169.4  Gain: 1lb

Pretty sure I didn't even wanna post, but as the host of Skinny Santa I felt I should. Plus I am sure I am making everyone feel better about themselves as they see my awesome gain! How am I doing it you ask in anticipation? Well... that would be by exercising, eating right and having your period (and my period forced me to make choc cookies last night and eat a bunch of the dough). I have done better on my diet and exercise this week then I have in I am pretty grumpy right now. 

Congrats to all the ladies killing it in the Skinny Santa Challenge!!! Keep it up!! Next week I will coming back strong, so look out!

In other news.... I have a job interview for a teaching job in Utah on Mon (via phone of course) Yes... I did make a long sad post about being sad to end of teaching career to stay home with the kids, but I came across the job and just applied not thinking much would come from it. It feels nice to be "wanted"... that they even did most of their interviewing but extended the deadline so they can interview me. Jake and I talked about how if I worked 1 more year we can get out of most of our debt before we plan for our last baby. I have always had faith to trust in God that he has a plan for me and my family. Me and Jake being able to bring in money to pay off our debt might be a real blessing, but if I don't get the job and am home with the babies, I am excited to do that as well. 

I have been a house cleaning machine lately, spending hours packing stuff up to donate, throw away and keep. It is hard doing it all alone (lifting, moving boxes up stairs, down stairs, moving furniture), but am proud of myself for being able to do it at all...that I am not the lazy woman I was last year. 

Ok. Time to hit the gym before they close....ya know cause working out has been so beneficial to me this week!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


My scale is lame-o. I knew that the weeks when I wasn't focusing at all on my diet and still losing weight that it would turn around to bite me in the butt!

Well I have been working out a ton, like going to group fitness then coming home and raking leaves for 2 hours, and working out and then cleaning the house, and I have been trying to get so much done that I have been not eating a ton...maybe 1300 calories max, and of course the scale is up to 170 today. Darn it all!

so... funny story.... Background info... My normal Zumba instructor who I love is an amazing booty shaker. I have become SO good at inappropriately moving my body I could probably get a job as a cage dancer! Yesterday I went to a Zumba class I hadn't been to before and the instructor pulled me up to do one of the numbers with her so everyone could see how I moved my body.It was both exciting and terrifying! Keep in mind I grew up dancing and teaching hip hop, so I kinda felt like I cheated, but it felt really good to know I still got it in me! Maybe I will give Jake that lap dance he has been begging me for since we got married!! Ok, so this wasn't a funny story at all. I lead a boring life.

In other interesting things..... my feet have shrunk!This is exciting because after having Zoey I was a 8.5, 9 and now I am more 7.5, 8. I finally can fit into my shoes! And I might have bought 4 pairs of shoes on Saturday in celebration! (oh gosh....please don't be reading this Jake! In my defense one pair was $3- cute red ballet flats)

Anyway. I'm just blabbing today. I secretly am hoping I am getting my period. I has been exactly a month since I got mine, but that means nothing to my body. I want it so I can not hate the scale so much and I want it now so I won't have it on me and Jake's overnighter when I flight out to Utah in a few weeks!!!

Ok... Don't forget to send those Secret Bandit gifts earlier this month ladies!!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Weekly Weigh in: Week 20 & Skinny Santa 1st Post!

Weight: 168.4 lbs      Loss:  2.6 lbs

If I am counting the loss from my gain last week than it would be 4.2 lbs which is pretty darn good if I don't say so myself! My students have been really excited to see me reach my smaller goals and teachers all wanna know "how I'm doing it!" A girl I don't even know that rang me up at Wal-Mart the other day said " are so much smaller". That pretty much made my day!

I went into this week buy a ton of groceries so that I could go low carb......well...that pretty much tanked when I had to demo making yeast breads for all of my classes and made cinnamon sugar pretzels for them. They were little pretzel bites and so warm and soft and sweet and yummy! How many pretzel bites equal a large prezel? 250? sounds right I think.

It has been pretty strange having the house without my hubby and kiddies. I have been skyping every night. They are growing before my eyes and I can't do anything about it! I really miss them, so I booked another trip to see them the 1st weekend in Dec. On the otherhand, I have time to workout, and think about dinner and workout and of course start packing up the house. Guess how many bags of clothes I bagged up yesterday for Goodwill.....4... and I'm just getting started. I just had to face that I shouldn't be wearing my "college clothes" anymore regardless of how skinny I get. 

I do have a white old navy pea coat in XL that has never been worn. Anyone want it? If you pay shipping it's yours.


I am really excited I have some of you to really help motivate me through the Holidays! I would really love to see the 150's. Oh my gosh... thinking about it makes me giddy!!

And if I win this thing, the following are some places I LOVE to shop!

~ Target ... 5 min from my house and I go there just to browse several times a week! I go try on the stuff in the store, and then go and buy it on when they are doing BOGO. Genius!
~ Black House White MArket.... love their clothes, but have never had the money to shop there.
~ .... cause you really can't go wrong with that!
~ Kohl's
~ Restaurant Gift Cards..... cause I love going on dates with my hubby

Can't wait to see all your favorite places to shop too and just get to know you all better!
Good luck everyone!!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Skinny Santa Challenge Starts Tomorrow!!!!

Yeah for all my ladies who joined on for Skinny Santa Challenge! Look at who is participating. Anyone else that wants to be added to the list let me know ASAP!

Here is the low down for the next 6 weeks:

  • Tomorrow you will post your 1st Skinny Santa Weigh In. Include in the post your current weight, any thoughts or personal goals you might have, and also list 5 places you love to shop, so if you win we know where you send your gift card too.
  • Every Fri until Dec 23rd, post your new weigh in. I will keep track of it all for you!
  • I will announce the winner as soon as I get all of the weigh ins!
  • The winner will make a WINNER POST and remind us of all the places they love to shop and then I will send out an email to everyone with the winner's address and we will all send our gift card to them!
  • All gift cards should be sent before end of Jan ( cause you know if you don't do it right away you will forget!!) (ok...maybe that's just me!!)
Way To Go Santa!
And..... does anyone know how to make a button?? On the right of my blog is my sad attempt at a button. So ametuer I know, so if someone knows the ways of the computer better that what I did in 2 seconds....please help me make a button!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Over Eater Amongst The Under Eaters

I have a house-mate. She suffers from an eating disorder. She is sweet and lovely, but her eating disorder really takes up a lot of her time, since she has to be in a program to deal with it. Tonight she asked if I would go to her family night at her support group. I was more than happy to go as her support system.

They served dinner 1st. I guess I figured I would just eat my small little portion and be on my way. Um... not the case!! The dietician basically implied to me that if I didn't finish everything on my plate, then I shouldn't ever come back again and I would make all the people there with eating disorders uncomfortable. (OH geez. What did I get myself into!!) And it's not like they eat as they please.... they have to EAT A LOT. I HAD to have a soda or juice loaded with sugar and calories. No diet soda or water allowed. I HAD to have roast beef, gravy, mashed potatoes, dinner roll with butter, veggies, chocolate milk AND ICE CREAM! Then the workers sit there and watch everyone eat! All the students in the program ate all their food no problem and then there I was...... taking the ENTIRE hour to eat the food on my plate. Man. It was hard to eat all that and not get stuck or too full. It was also hard mentally to eat that much. I have gotten so used to my small meals. I felt so guilty eating that much which is what most of these girls must feel as well.

After the hour, they come around and make sure everything on the plate is eaten. I tried to hide my uneaten ice cream, but of course they call me out!! lol. So weird to be getting in trouble for not eating all my dessert!!

It was weird to be in such an opposite place with my relationship with food. It is like we are taught not to drink with our meals, not to have carbs (they need 2 servings of carbs at each meal), no desserts for us, they have to have desserts at both lunch and dinner, they have to have snacks, the more food the better.

Regardless we are the same in where food has gotten us to a place where we needed to be medically treated. They talked about their issues with Thanksgiving coming up. All are terrified to be surrounded by so much food all day, but then again..... aren't we all a little nervous about Thanksgiving coming up?

Anyway. It was quite the experience. I am glad Becca looks to me for support. I hope that the both of us can live out our lives having a healthy relationship with food.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Last Call for Skinny Santa Challenge

Hey Guys....just wanted to see if I can rally up a few more to participate in the Skinny Santa Challenge.

Think About It.... Get Back to Me by Thurs! If I can get 3 more we will do it!!

See post below!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Skinny Santa Challenge?

Maybe there is already something like this going around, but I thought of it when I was church (I wasn't chasing my little ones around and actually had time to sit and listen and think). I really really want to kick my butt into gear and get gorgeous-ed up for the holidays! I know a challenge would help keep me motivated especially through that darn Thanksgiving week that is always so tricky for a girl who loves to eat!!

I know we have lots of things going on.... Secret Santa's, secret bandits, work stuff, family stuff, but hear me out and  see what you think.
Here is how it would go down:

- We would start the competition this Friday.
- You would post your Skinny Santa Weigh In. Include your goal too for good measure!
- Every Friday until Dec 23rd (6 weeks to lose weight) you would post and email me your Current Weight and
- On December 23rd everyone would email me their starting weight and ending weight and I will calculate % loss
- Whoever has the best change % loss will win!

And what will the winner get? 

Everyone who participates will send the winner a $10 gift card to the winner's fav place(s) to shop. Week 1, everyone will include 5 places they love to shop on their post, and then we will have the winner write a winner's post reminding us what places they love to shop!

If we can get 10 people to participate, we will do email me at or leave a comment.

I could certainly go for $100 worth of gift cards!!!! Anyone else???

Please post this on your blogs since many of you have much bigger fan clubs than lil ol me!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Weekly Weigh In: Week 19

Weight: 172. 6  Boo.    Gain: 1.6 lbs

Well.... there it is. The gain. I knew it was unavoidable with how I have been eating the last week. My parent's were in town, Halloween, Jake's dad flew in and they worked 3 days straight on repairs around the house. I took half days at work all week and was consumed in watching the kids, loving on them and packing. My eating was pretty sad. I would skip meals and then feast on pb m&m's cause they were there. Stupid stuff like that. I haven't worked out in so long. The gain is well deserved. I am not too upset about it.

The goodbye's to Jake and the kids really sucked. I cried. Of course. There weren't enough kisses in the world to say goodbye to them. I got to Skype with them a bit last night. Zoey kept kissing the computer. I miss them. I miss Jake. I didn't really get to spend any time with him. Zoey slept in our bed the last night and Jake was up till 2am scrambling to get things done. I barely got to say 10 words to him in the past week. I miss my husband so much. Plus....the garbage was just staring at me when I woke up this morning, and then I really missed him!!

My best friend flew in last night! It was good to have a distaction. I love her!! We got Sonic (took 45 min to get our food! Serves us right eating crap so late at night) and then went home and watched Burlesque on my bed. One of my favorite movies! Today we are venturing to DC and maybe some shopping and then our friend's play and then "fancy black tie formal" which I still have nothing to wear!

Next week I become the perfect lapband patient who eats the right foods and works out like crazy! I want to loose AT LEAST 10 lbs before I see Jake in Dec!

Happy Friday Ladies!!! And.... Secret Bandit!! I love you and thank you for my starbuck gift card!!!! I heard they sell cake pops there! Cool!!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Secret Bandit Update

Hi Secret Bandit Friends!
Looks like some of us are running behind on Oct, so if you haven't received your gift hang tight and you will get rewarded with two gifts for November.

If you have yet to get your Oct gift feel free to shoot my hubby an email and we will figure out what's up!

If you haven't sent your Oct gift yet, you don't have to go crazy. Just a motivating card or something simple goes a long way!

To my Secret Bandit friend who send me a gift via my hubby's seems to have disappeared, but then again he is "delete" happy.  He is working on locating it, but I will have him email you if he is having trouble! Thanks for thinking of me!! I feel loved!!!

It is def the season for giving, so have fun with the last two months!