My Journey

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I'm Not Gonna Lie....


...I'm having a great hair day! Jake took Logan with him to lunch with his boys and I took the opportunity to shower and wax and make myself  look like a girl!!

Nice hair, no make up
After having Zoey in Oct 09 (that delivery story is a crazy one and one for a future post!) my desire to get all dolled up decrease significantly. I could barely get a shower in. I never had time to really blow out my hair (I have crazy thick hair!) I was white and pasty from being preg in the summer and staying out of the sun. I was 187 when I got preg and stay right at 200 after the baby was born. I went back to work when Zoey was 6 weeks. My hubby worked at nights and was doing school full time too. Our closest family is 5 hrs away in upstate NY. There was just NO TIME for anything other than taking care of baby, eating, sleeping and working. I just gave up.

When Zoey was 6 months I took a pregnancy test by myself in the bathroom since I hadn't had my period in a while. After getting back a positive I started laughing in the bathroom. I could not even believe this was happening!! Zoey was only 6 months old! How could I have another baby on the way!!? I walked into my bedroom where my husband was laying on the bed. I just smiled at him and he said "NO WAY!" I didn't even tell him I was taking a test. He just could tell from my smile.

It was quite the whirlwind! I was 204 lbs at my first OB appt. I was 220 when he was born and lost all but 4 pounds by the 2nd week. I worked through my whole pregnancy. In fact I was there on my due date, but then got induced a few days later. Once Logan was born, I went back to work again after 6 weeks (couldn't afford to stay home longer with either baby). Jake was a SAHM dad in the day, working at night and still doing school full time. I worked in the day, was on my own at night, and I run a small cupcake ask you can see....there is no time for pedicures, hair trims, daily showers, nail painting.

Now with 2 kids, I find myself rarely caring how I look. I wear flip flop to school every day. I wear the same 6 outfits that fit. My hair is rarely styled. I hate going out and having to figure out what to wear and dreading taking off my comfy clothes. I just feel so gross being this big and don't see the point of getting all pretty when I don't feel pretty at all. I have never been a girl who didn't care.

My first year teaching (2007), I got best dressed. I wore heels and wedges and cute outfits and jewelry EVERYDAY! The girls all wanted to know where I got my clothes. It was so awesome to feel young and admired by my students. I was about 150 then...still overweight, but not obese yet.  I taught dance still and just had lot of energy.

In college I worked out daily. That helped me to really love myself. I loved to dress to impress. I had lots of boy admiree's. Jake fell for me hard and fast!! lol! (actually he took some convincing, but I know in my heart I was his from day 1!)
Now.... I just make my kids look cute. I buy them cute clothes. Zoey always has her hair done in public! (She is in NY right now with my mom and dad and my mom sent me a pic of her WITHOUT her hair done and I felt uncomfortable! Pathetic!) It is easy to keep the focus on them and off me. It's easy. They are cute. I am not.

But I feel pretty! It feels so good. I am so ready to start MAKING time for myself, to workout and eat right and take a gosh darn shower. If Jake were home right now....I would so do him. :o)

I have been lucky to have a really good self esteem most of my life minus the past 2 years. I think I have a lot of good qualities and have talents that I truly love. I am a total type A personality, make friends pretty easy, and grew up really understanding what is important in life and being able to choose right from wrong. I feel lucky to have all of that. Now I am excited to lose weight, feel great, and be healthy for myself, my hubby and my kids!

anyhoo.... I swear this was gonna just be about my hair! On a totally different topic... how do I make a cute signature like some you guys have?

UPDATE: Just for you Jess I took a pic!! lol.


  1. We don't get a picture of your awesome hair day??

  2. Ohh, like Jessica - I wanna picture of the good hair day!!

    Ronnie sent me!! Great blog! Can't wait to get to know you better!!

  3. ADDED!!! :o) No make-up though. lol.

  4. I wish I had your hair!!!! I can never grow mine very far past my bad hair day and I'm chopping it off!!!! Plus it's fine and thin a kinky!!! Yours is gorgeous!!

  5. Ohh you're right! Great hair!! And you're beautiful without the make-up too!!

  6. You look great!!! Keep up the positive vibes!!!

  7. Hi there! Ronnie sent me over. Cannot wait to get to know you!

  8. Great hair! Glad you're taking time for yourself and feeling good!

  9. Super cute! :) Can't imagine getting pregnant back to back like that! One of my best girlfriends did, and she didn't even know she was prego with her second until she was about 13 weeks in! Whoa. I got lucky and had my two all at once! lol

    Anywho, I don't know what you're talkin' about. You're super cute in all the pics you've posted, not just today! :)

  10. This is your proud mama! Keep up the good work. You are inspiring.

  11. I'm glad you are starting to put yourself at the top of your daily list. You are worth it.

  12. The Back to Basics challenge is for bansters, we all compete to see who can lose the highest percentage of weight before 9/25, whoever wins in the three categories (2+ years banded, 1-2 years banded, and under 1 year banded) gets prizes. The entry fee is $10. :)

    And they're going to announce the winners in Chicago at the BOOBS (it stands for "band of outrageous babes") weekend. It's going to be a blast, if you want to find out more about the get together and the challenge, go here:

  13. (Or you can e-mail me and I'll fill you in. lol)