I'm Not Gonna Lie....

    

...I'm having a great hair day! Jake took Logan with him to lunch with his boys and I took the opportunity to shower and wax and make myself  look like a girl!!

Nice hair, no make up

After having Zoey in Oct 09 (that delivery story is a crazy one and one for a future post!) my desire to get all dolled up decrease significantly. I could barely get a shower in. I never had time to really blow out my hair (I have crazy thick hair!) I was white and pasty from being preg in the summer and staying out of the sun. I was 187 when I got preg and stay right at 200 after the baby was born. I went back to work when Zoey was 6 weeks. My hubby worked at nights and was doing school full time too. Our closest family is 5 hrs away in upstate NY. There was just NO TIME for anything other than taking care of baby, eating, sleeping and working. I just gave up.

When Zoey was 6 months I took a pregnancy test by myself in the bathroom since I hadn't had my period in a while. After getting back a positive I started laughing in the bathroom. I could not even believe this was happening!! Zoey was only 6 months old! How could I have another baby on the way!!? I walked into my bedroom where my husband was laying on the bed. I just smiled at him and he said "NO WAY!" I didn't even tell him I was taking a test. He just could tell from my smile.

It was quite the whirlwind! I was 204 lbs at my first OB appt. I was 220 when he was born and lost all but 4 pounds by the 2nd week. I worked through my whole pregnancy. In fact I was there on my due date, but then got induced a few days later. Once Logan was born, I went back to work again after 6 weeks (couldn't afford to stay home longer with either baby). Jake was a SAHM dad in the day, working at night and still doing school full time. I worked in the day, was on my own at night, and I run a small cupcake business.........so ask you can see....there is no time for pedicures, hair trims, daily showers, nail painting.

Now with 2 kids, I find myself rarely caring how I look. I wear flip flop to school every day. I wear the same 6 outfits that fit. My hair is rarely styled. I hate going out and having to figure out what to wear and dreading taking off my comfy clothes. I just feel so gross being this big and don't see the point of getting all pretty when I don't feel pretty at all. I have never been a girl who didn't care.

My first year teaching (2007), I got best dressed. I wore heels and wedges and cute outfits and jewelry EVERYDAY! The girls all wanted to know where I got my clothes. It was so awesome to feel young and admired by my students. I was about 150 then...still overweight, but not obese yet.  I taught dance still and just had lot of energy.

In college I worked out daily. That helped me to really love myself. I loved to dress to impress. I had lots of boy admiree's. Jake fell for me hard and fast!! lol! (actually he took some convincing, but I know in my heart I was his from day 1!)
Now.... I just make my kids look cute. I buy them cute clothes. Zoey always has her hair done in public! (She is in NY right now with my mom and dad and my mom sent me a pic of her WITHOUT her hair done and I felt uncomfortable! Pathetic!) It is easy to keep the focus on them and off me. It's easy. They are cute. I am not.

But today......today I feel pretty! It feels so good. I am so ready to start MAKING time for myself, to workout and eat right and take a gosh darn shower. If Jake were home right now....I would so do him. :o)

I have been lucky to have a really good self esteem most of my life minus the past 2 years. I think I have a lot of good qualities and have talents that I truly love. I am a total type A personality, make friends pretty easy, and grew up really understanding what is important in life and being able to choose right from wrong. I feel lucky to have all of that. Now I am excited to lose weight, feel great, and be healthy for myself, my hubby and my kids!

anyhoo.... I swear this was gonna just be about my hair! On a totally different topic... how do I make a cute signature like some you guys have?

UPDATE: Just for you Jess I took a pic!! lol.